While checking out the landing page at The Gospel Coalition I came upon an article who's subject line caught my eye. "End of Sexual Identity". The book being reviewed, ' The End of Sexual Identity: Why Sex Is Too Important to Define Who We Are' by Messiah professor Jenell Williams Paris suggests that within the Christian community we allow too much identity to be wrought from sexual labels. The author purports that we do this so much so that we usurp the identity which we are to find in God and diminish and marginalize the homosexual community because of it, and do the same in the opposite direction with the heterosexual label though to a lesser extent.
Over the past year and a half my wife and I have befriended a homosexual coworker of hers from her last job, and have since developed a relationship not just with him, but his boyfriend as well. In all honesty I wrestle frequently with the reality of this friendship. Is it healthy or not? How long and how many times should we witness to them before we disengage? Is that even the right way to think about it? If there's any segment of evangelism I'm unqualified for having been a vocational missionary for three years, it's to homosexuals. However, this article helped clarify some of the questions I wrestle with as far as identity is concerned.
If someone were a drug addict I wouldn't unfriend them on the evangelical facebook. Sure, they'd know I don't agree with their drug use and I'd get them help if they'd take it, but I wouldn't tell them we can't be friends anymore simply because they refuse to stop doing drugs. So far as I see it. why should it be any different for someone who struggles with homosexuality.
I'm not sure I stand with the reviewer of the book and author of the article in that using the label 'gay' is a good thing for a celibate Christian to do, but I do think on the identity discrepancy from the label homosexual gets in the way of ministering to an entire subculture of broken, lost souls who God loves.
I'll be interested to hear from the rest of you since for the most part we all come from similar cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds.
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4 comments:
I know you asked for comments from people of similar values, and I do not qualify. (Matt C's Jewish brother)
I had a strong emotional response to your article, but I wanted to check with a friend of mine who recently went through the issue you discuss from the other point of view.
"How long and how many times should we witness to them before we disengage?"
his response: LEAVE THE GAY COUPLE ALONE IMMEDIATELY, STOP BEING FRIENDS WITH THEM NOW!
He recently had a friend who just went the route you are discussing, and all he feels is that it was such a waste of time. All the effort and energy he put into the relationship, only to have the proverbial 'rug' pulled out from under him when his 'friend' basically told him (admittedly in an extremely poor manner) that he could no longer be friends with him due to his lifestyle 'choice'.
If your faith doesn't allow you to be friends with them, that is entirely your choice. But there are real people with whom you are interacting. They deserve a more unconditional friendship than your worldview allows.
I just wanted to leave a further addendum. It is obvious that you are struggling with this issue. You should, it is a tough issue of people who share my brother's belief system.
But there are real people in this debate.
You can't know the answer already. It isn't fair to you, as you are struggling with this concept.
But it isn't fair to them. I don't think (although of course can't know) that you are their 'Christian' friends who they may have to drop because eventually they feel they have sufficiently 'witnessed to you', and they just can't seem to change your minds.
I suppose the honest thing to do is tell them how you are struggling with this issue. They may choose to want to remain friends anyway, although if you show them this post where you compare them to drug addicts, I am kind of guessing not.
The only thing I see in the bible, in terms of removing fellowship, is with a divisive, extremely perverted, or a false-teaching person who 1) is living in community with believers, 2) claims to be a believer, AND 3) is unrepentant/unwilling to admit their errors. I see no need to withdraw your friendship unless both 1), 2), and 3) describe them. You and I are not disagreeing that the practice of homosexuality is sinful; but if they are professing that God is ok with it, are in a church, are believers, and are refusing to listen to clear biblical reasoning, then I'd withdraw.
I was a huge pervert myself, and my flesh still battles with sexual sin. I've been friends with unbelievers who are outright sexual sinners for more than a decade. I enjoy them, like spending time with them, have fun with them, and pray for them a lot. I never think of withdrawing friendship because of their sin, and I don't think you should either. It's just unwise and absolutely unloving, as Matt's brother pointed out. It's like you'd be using them for a notch on your belt, and if they don't comply then they are not worth a thing.
I don't know if Matt's brother is stating that the Christian faith won't allow gay friendships, or if he's merely saying that maybe that is the reality, but the bottom line is that Biblical Christianity certainly encourages loving everyone regardless of ________ (fill in the blank). My thoughts are to remain friends, pray for them, and share the gospel.
Also, DON'T ALLOW THEIR DECISION ABOUT JESUS BE ABOUT THEIR SEXUALITY. We all sin, and even if they were not gay, they would still stand condemned before God as we all would without the blood of Jesus covering us. They need to decide about Christ, and changing their sexual practices means nothing in that regard. In other words, salvation comes first and is of utmost importance; cleansing comes next. If they, like those in 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, are converted and cleansed, good. But we don't want to encourage legalism by making one it huge that they overcome one particular sin to be pleasing in God's eyes. Trust that the Holy Spirit is able to save and transform them.
If they refuse or get frustrated by you, perhaps they will withdraw friendship, but then you would be rejected for doing your due diligence in regards to the gospel, and not as a result of anything sinful in you.
I had hoped in my original post to communicate just what Kevin pointed out. That there was no biblical foundation for 'unfriending' someone because of their sexual identity.
In fact after having read the article, and contemplated it these few days, I feel it could well be called a sin not to mention incredibly selfish (Which Matt's brother pointed out and I think was dead on) to stop being friends with these men and talking w/ them about the gospel.
I think the article, and the conversation that I wanted to start among us all, was intended to change this social pattern among Christians of engaging with the homosexual community strictly on the level of their sexual choice. I think it's something we need to repent of, or at least I know I do. It's not our belief system that keeps us from being friends w/ them it's the Christian culture that's been created and that I've been part of perpetuating.
As an aside I hadn't intended to compare my friend to a drug addict, I was simply trying to illustrate that I wouldn't un-friend any other non believer because of a particular sin in their lives. Let me be clear I believe homosexuality to be a sin, but the drug addiction reference was simply an example of another sinful behavior of which I myself have many.
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